A Short Ethnography on the Elves

Terry Pratchett once said about elves, "Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. 
Elves are marvelous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes, look behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad."

So basically, he said that Tolkien's version of Elves were, well, inaccurate. Well, that's not entirely the case. And Pratchett was referring to his elves, which are much more sadistic and ill-tempered than Tolkien's elves. Tolkien based his elves off the Alfar of Norse mythology, who were, fair, beautiful and immortal.

What neither of them knew, is that elves are real.

They have the same common ancestor as Homo Sapiens. Their DNA is almost 98% identical to ours, and yet, just like chimpanzees, they're a completely different species.Yes, they are nimble, they are long-living and they do have the pointed ears, among other aspects that Sir Tolkien wrote about. But unlike the magical elves he created, the Elves we have come across are a purely technological society.

To put it simply, Elvish technology is Clarke's Third Law in action. Indeed, it almost seems impossible that their weapons and power systems are even technology and not magic. However, Elvish society entered a modern era earlier than humanity did. They have developed their technology using gems as a main power source. The gems in question are a mystery for human geologists, since they have not been able to find the gems in a natural environment. 

Elvish technology is also less carbon-intensive than human technology. Human engineers have noted that Elvish transportation gives off as much as 75% less carbon than human automobiles. They have also developed incredible robotics, which although are not human-like in appearance, are human-like in movement.

Looking at Elvish society itself, one would think that Tolkien observed them first-hand. He did not. Elvish society is patriarchal and patrilineal, but that does not prevent the Elvish monarch from being a queen. Watching them, you would think that Elves are always formal. They wear flowing and extravagant clothing right out of the Lord of the Rings movies. The military is the exception, instead invoking Prussian and Imperial German uniforms.

Elvish family structure is also similar to Western "Nuclear family" structures; a father, mother and children. For the most part, the father is the head of the household. Elves are also monogamous, usually staying with a partner for up to 50 years or more. Children are taught to obey and respect their elders, but domestic abuse is looked down upon. An elvish man who so much as touches his family wrong can be ostracized from the community. 

Community leaders are treated with much respect, and that extends to the monarch and the royal family. While not gods, Elves are taught to revere them, no matter how flawed they are. This does not exclude the possibility of dissent, though. But it appears that in recent years, it has become taboo to question not just the monarchy, but the military. This has allowed the military to begin a long, slow takeover while keeping the monarchy in power. There are also elected officials, but their power is starting to dwindle.

While Elvish society may seem appealing to humans, it might not be the case. Elves have hidden from humanity for years. Only recently have they come out of hiding; and they're hostile. The majority of Elves we have encountered are xenophobic and potentially racist. Why they have come out now is a mystery, but we're not sure if it's related to Climate Change, human overpopulation or perhaps simply the military's lust for power.

This ethnography is not a comprehensive ethnography. Indeed, it is only a small amount of information we have gathered from captured Elves. We are currently attempting to learn more about the Elves. Perhaps if we learn enough, we could not just defeat them, but learn to get along with them. Perhaps there is more to learn about them in the coming future.

This concludes this short ethnography. Thank you for your time.